TITLE: Marriage is God’s Affair

TEXT: I Peter 3:1-7

THEME: Because marriage is of God we are called to respect our spouse.

OPENING

SENTENCE: In the early 60’s Betty Freidan wrote a book that rocked the world regarding marriage and gender roles in society.

INTRODUCTION:  The book was called, “The Feminine Mystique” and had a significant and immediate impact on how people thought about gender roles in Canada and the US.  It argued that the average housewife was unhappy, alcoholic and unfilled.  The reason she argued, is that traditional gender roles were suppressive and demeaning to women, seeing them as inferior to men.  One clear example of course was that even in the work place women were doing the same work for less pay and many positions, especially management, we limited for women.

The problem that she cited has some basis in reality.  No one can look at history, or even our world today in some countries, and not see the injustices against women that have taken place.  But, the solution it proposes presents a problem that is just as destructive as the original problem it tried to address.   

If I were to ask you, “What is the greatest problem today?” we would find many answers.  I would suggest though that it is not drugs or the economic situation or the erosion of shared values- though these are certainly major problems.  For instance in regard to the issue of shared values it seems that we don’t agree on anything.  I have a short list on some issues we don’t seem to find agreement on.  This list includes National Defense, abortion, homosexuality, the nuclear war, the death penalty, legality of drugs, corporal punishment, adultery, the nuclear family. Creationism, the way to help the poor, the Christian faith or role of religion in society, money and the national debt, taxes, pornography, child pornography, philosophy of education,)  This lack of consensus on these issues are significant problems but I am not convinced it is the major problem.

I would like to propose to you what I see to be a key problem that needs to be placed somewhere at the top of the list.  The problem is confusion of gender roles and the ensuing tension that has created.  Feminism has attempted to correct an historical problem but in the process created a whole new set up problems.  It has done nothing to stop abusive husbands- if anything I believe the problem has increased.  Instead bringing the male sex drive into check it has complicated the problem by increasing promiscuity among women.  Less than 5% of people lived together before marriage 25 years ago but we now have over 50%.  Living together before marriage significantly increases the probability of divorce. People who live together before marriage are 7 times more likely to get divorced that those who do not.  Males are not longer trained how to be good husbands or men.  They are not taught how to treat women in a respectful way.

Young men no longer know what is expected of them in marriage.  Young girls no longer have guiding principles to know how to relate to their husband.  This lack of clarity puts people into relationships with no understanding of what to expect of each other or how to relate as male and female.  While we crave for meaningful, lasting relationships we do not know how to create that. The existing state of marriage proves that.

TRANSITION

SENTENCE: As strangers and aliens in this world we must appeal to the Bible for guidance regarding gender roles. 

TRANSITION: Confusion about roles in marriage will persist in that the core of the problem it has existed since Adam and Eve but the corrective steps will not be found by reading Betty Freidan.  It will be found only by reading the Word of God.

SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY.  This morning I want us to look at what the Bible says about gender roles, specifically in regard to marriage.  I want us to see that both men and women are to submit and respect each other but one is to provide leadership.

EXPLAIN

SETTING:

TEXT: I Peter 3:1-7

¹Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

 ⁷Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

THEME: Because marriage is of God we are called to respect our spouse.

I.  Two misconceptions

Some people want to tear this passage out of the Bible and throw it away; others want to wave it in the air and say, "I told you so!"  Both are ignoring the context.

A.  Literary context: These verses are part of Peter's discussion of submission, which started in 2:13 and ends at 3:22.  We are all called to be submissive.  Like Paul in Ephesians 5 he is simply clarifying the contexts in which it is to lived out.

B. Cultural context: The letter was written to a patriarchal society in which men ruled every sphere of life.  We are no longer in such a culture.  But we really must ask the question, “Are their principles for male and female roles that are cross cultural?

ILLUSTRATE: What does the Bible say the original problem was for which Peter saw the need to write these principles?

Genesis 1:27:  ^“So God created man in his own image,

       in the image of God he created him;

       male and female he created them.”

This is the first passage that establishes the equality of male and female.  Both are created by God.  Both are created in the image of God.  Man, as male and female, is commanded to be fruitful and multiply, to subdue the earth and fill it.

Genesis 2:18-23: “ ¹⁸ The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

 ¹⁹ Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

      But for Adam no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  ²³ The man said,

       "This is now bone of my bones

       and flesh of my flesh;

       she shall be called 'woman,'

       for she was taken out of man."

We refer to this passage because this presents us with a specific breakdown of the creation of man and woman.  It is this passage that Paul refers to frequently.  It is this passage that explains Paul’s basis for the relationship between male and female, both at home and in the church.

In this passage we see that the Bible does not define male/female roles as a power struggle.  They are defined as a loving complimentary relationship between equals.  Each sex has its distinct roles and responsibilities.

A.  God Creates a Responsibility for Man (l8-20)

    In these verses we see mans creation and the first major responsibility he is given is as "Lord" of creation.

    1.  God Evaluates Mans Aloneness (18)

a.           This is the only time God said, "It is not good."  All else was

    called good.  When God saw man was alone he said his aloneness was

    not good.

b.          In order of chronology we see man was created first.  Whereas the

previous passage tells us only that man and female were created, this tells us the order.  This order seems to give slight priority of male over female according to I Tim. 2, Eph. 5, and I Cor. ll.

    2.  Adam identifies his Aloneness (l9-20).

a.           Man was given the responsibility to name to the animals.  This is

his first role as "king."  God brought them to Adam and then He sets back and sees what Adam will name them.

b.          Naming the animals shows his Lordship.  In the Hebrew  culture nam-

ing a person or thing was to give the person or thing character.  It was quite an honorable task.  P. Van Imschoot shows us why naming was so important to the Hebrews.

   "In the eyes of the ancients the name was not a simple label distinguishing one individual from this kinsmen.  It is an integrating part of the person; what has no name is, so to speak, non-existent... Moreover, the name is supposed to correspond to the essence of the object, and consequently reveals it."

c.           Adam was Lord, but he was a lonely Lord.  Nothing corresponding to

him could be found- no suitable helper was there.  Adam would have seen male and female counterparts of hundreds of animals, for him there was no female.  Yet he was looking

d.          Adams role of naming the animals pointed out to him his loneliness.

It seems companionship is a vital role that the woman plays in the spectrum and purpose of Gods creation of woman.

   B.  God creates a Woman for Man (21-22)

       The man alone is in a condition that is not good.  God now intends to fashion a helper corresponding exactly to him and completing him in every way.

       1.  Woman is taken from man.  Her origin is in man (21-22). 

       2.  Woman was made for man (20)

a.           She was made for man for companionship.

b.          She is described as a suitable helper for man.  The term "helper" is not a demeaning term.  The term is elsewhere used of God (Ps. 10:14, 54:4).  The work the male was to do in response to God's commission was not a work he was to do alone.

       3.  Woman was given a high calling

a.           All of chapter two is building to this event.  The creation of

Woman was a wonder.  When God made the stars, we might have expected all music in heaven blaring out- yet we only see the statement; "God made the stars."

b.          In contrast the creation of woman is built by suspense, wonder

and surprise.

     c.  The creation of woman is presented as a glorious event.  It does

not degrade woman.  God's creation of her is the high point of the chapter.  Woman’s' role of being a helper suitable for man is a high calling filled with dignity and honor.

C.         God creates Marriage for Man (23-25)

 1.  Man names "Woman"- a role as her Lord.

When the man named woman he was fully conscious that although he was formed first, and although he was recognizing his role of leadership, in naming her he saw she was like him.  She was his equal.  Ronald Allen in his book, "Liberated Traditionaism," provides an excellent translation of this passage.

            "This one! This time!

               (That is, At last! -here is one who corresponds directly and

truly to me!)

 Bone-from my bones!

 And flesh- from my flesh!

 This one shall be called woman

 For from man this one was taken."

2. Mans name for woman showed her likeness.

The word "ish" is man.  The word "isha" is woman.  His name for her was a happy joke.  Verse 23 is a verse of joy and elation.

Mans headship is over his equal.

The man has a certain priority over the woman because he was created first (see also Eph. 5:22-23).  But she is his equal.  We cannot make the mistake of the evangelical feminist by saying, "Equality equals Interchangeability."

APPLY:  The Bonding of Marriage

The passage says they were united- like super glue.  The two became one flesh (independent of children they are one flesh).  This passage shows the headship of man. It also shows the equality of the woman.  It indicates that headship is not incompatible with equality.  Equality does not equal interchangeable.

THEME: Because marriage is of God we are called to respect our spouse.

II.  Wives, submit to your husbands. (1–2)

. 

A.  Peter was writing to women whose faith was different than their husbands'.

B.  Submission is a voluntary decision to put someone else first. (Ephesians 6:1)

Submissive is not putting your husband in the place of Christ.  It is not worship or blind obedience.  It is not giving up independent thought.  It does not mean that she give up her role to help her husband.  As we have seen she was created to be a helper.

It does not mean she gives in to every demand to her husband.  It is not based on lesser intelligence or competence.  It does not mean fearful or timid .  It does not mean the wife is of lesser importance.  We are told she is a co-heir.

C.  Peter also challenges women not to use stereotypical methods of gaining attention. (3–6)

A wife has an inner quality of gentleness that enables her to follow the husbands leadership.  She maintains her respect for him even when she has a dissenting view.  Gentleness used only 2 times in the Testament.  The first time it refers to Christ and the other time it refers to the inner spirit. 

It is a word used in classical Greek that describes a high spirited horse that had been broken for riding.  It is power under control.

Without control this power can be very negative that reveals itself in the form of nagging, defiance, manipulation, gossip or undermining.  There is more power in gentleness than in a bicep.

When Peter speaks of a quiet spirit it does not mean someone who doesn’t talk.  It refers to someone who trusts God and that He is in control of this).

Submission involves in modeled in Sarah’s- the wife of the Old Testament patriarch Abraham.  Abraham was not a great husband.  He lied to protect his own skin.  He put her and his marriage at risk to save himself.  Their relationship had issues.  Yet she is noted for her submission.   Clearly it does not mean that it is demands the head be a perfect person.

Submission grows out of the inner person.  Peter moves on to the question of “How do you make yourself attractive.”  Problem with outer beauty- it is temporary.  We all grow old and our beauty fades.  Outward beauty is not valued like inner beauty is valued. 

ILLUSTRATE: Compare to David.  God selected him as king after bypassing his taller, more muscular and more attractive brothers.  Regarding his search for a king we find in I Samuel 16:7 “But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

The shortcomings of outer beauty is stated Proverbs 11:22.  “Like a gold ring in a pig's snout

       is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion”

APPLY: Women, let your husband see your inner beauty.  While not ignoring outer beauty your primary efforts should be in developing your inner beauty.

THEME: Because marriage is of God we are called to respect our spouse

III. Husbands, submit to your wives. (3:7)

A.  Peter is telling husbands to be sensitive to their wives.  Notice again that she is a co-heir.  She is not inferior.  She is to be respected and highly valued.

B.  Peter's teaching was radical for its time.  In the times of the Romans and Greeks women were property.  Both Paul and Peters writings stand in stark contrast to the attitudes of the surrounding culture regarding women.

C.  Women want to be valued by the men in their lives. 

ILLUSTRATE: There are two major Women’s groups in the United States.  One is the National Organization for Women which for years claimed that it spoke on behalf of women and women rights.  It reflected the attitude of Betty Freidan and he book.  Another group formed in response to N.O.W. founded by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.  The group is called Concerned Women for America and has 20 times as many members.  Most of those in this group do not want N.O.W to speak for them and value families who husbands provide godly considerate leadership. 

APPLY: Men, we need to value our wives and treat them as co-heirs of heaven. 

THEME: Because marriage is of God we are called to respect our spouse

SAY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID: We have seen that the battle of the sexes goes back to Adam and Eve.  Gods answer to the problem is not to destroy gender roles and distinctions.  His answer is for us to live as citizens of heaven and strangers to this world live in our marriages as God originally intended.

TIE INTO OPENING SENTENCE: Betty Freidan only had it partially right.  She was right in identifying that females have been badly treated throughout history.  But God beat her to the punch in identify the problem.  The problem goes back to the fall.  The solution is not to eliminate gender roles- it is exercise them the way God intended- that goes for both men and women.

APPLY TO SPECIFIC AUDIENCE

HAYMAKER: Amy Sutherland communicates some interesting ideas about husbands and wives in an article she wrote for the New York Times called, "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage." Sutherland begins by explaining that, after 12 years of marriage, she became dismayed that her husband still exhibited several irritating habits. Her reaction to this realization is shared by many women today:

These minor annoyances are not the stuff of separation and divorce, but in sum they began to dull my love for Scott. I wanted—needed—to nudge him a little closer to perfect, to make him into a mate who might annoy me a little less, who wouldn't keep me waiting at restaurants, a mate who would be easier to love.

So, like many wives before me, I ignored a library of advice books and set about improving him. By nagging, of course, which only made his behavior worse: he'd drive faster instead of slower; shave less frequently, not more; and leave his reeking bike garb on the bedroom floor longer than ever.

A breakthrough came when Amy began traveling to a school for exotic animal trainers in California in order to research a book she wanted to write:

I listened, rapt, as professional trainers explained how they taught dolphins to flip and elephants to paint. Eventually it hit me that the same techniques might work on that stubborn but loveable species, the American husband.

The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don't. After all, you don't get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband.

Back in Maine, I began thanking Scott if he threw one dirty shirt into the hamper. If he threw in two, I'd kiss him. Meanwhile, I would step over any soiled clothes on the floor without one sharp word, though I did sometimes kick them under the bed. But as he basked in my appreciation, the piles became smaller.

Source: Amy Sutherland, "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage," The New York Times (6-25-06

Now that’s a woman who understands how to respect and motivate her husband.